No. You think you want this? I mean the dramatic irony of knowing who Dracula is kind makes the reading hilarious, but reading emails from Walton while he fusses over Frankenstein in the North Pole AFTER I know what he did? Just pure rage. “Oh I’m afraid I might not hear the end of this brilliant man’s tale, poor Victor’s health is declining!” Good. I hope he doesn’t get better. I hope he fuckin dies. Why are you writing this to me?
Jesus was relaxing in Heaven when he noticed a familiar looking old man
Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, “Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?”
“Yes,” said the old man, “but he wasn’t my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a magical being from the heavens.”
“Very interesting,” said Jesus. “Did this boy ever have to fight temptation?”
“Oh, yes, many times,” answered the old man. “But he eventually won. Unfortunately, he heroically died at one point, but he came back to life shortly afterwards.”
Jesus couldn’t believe it. Could this actually be His father?
“One last question,” He said. “Were you a carpenter?”
“Why yes,” replied the old man. “Yes I was.”
Jesus rubbed His eyes and said, “Dad?”
The old man rubbed his eyes and said, “Pinocchio?”
Before it was normalized as “missionary position” the old name was “Venus observa” because you were face to face with your lover and that just makes me feel 🥺
‘I’m speaking to you from my heart. Look, I don’t know if I’m going to have a career after this, but fuck that. Today is about innocent people who were halfway through their process, we don’t know what George Floyd could have achieved, we don’t know what Sandra Bland could have achieved, but today we’re going to make sure that won’t be an alien thought to our young ones. Every black person in here remembered when another person reminded you that you were black. So none of you out there, all those protesters on the other side, protesting against what we want to do, protesting against what we want to try and achieve, burn you, this is so vital. I need you to understand how painful this shit is. I need you to understand how painful it is to be reminded every day that your race means nothing and that isn’t the case anymore, that was never the case anymore.’ John Boyega at The Black Lives Matter protest in Hyde Park
The best thing about that article is that there gets to be a point where you’re like surely. Surely we can’t get sexier and less-martyr-y than this. And that point is about a 3rd of the way through the piece.
